You’re probably already familiar with Siri, Apple’s voice assistant, especially if you own an iPad, iPhone, Apple Watch or an Apple TV. Siri is a fascinating little guy: sometimes funny, often very useful, and other times he’s simply a sarcastic little devil.
Apple first introduced Siri as its voice assistant in 2011 with the iPhone 4S and, depending on which voice gender you choose, he or she is a funny little virtual guy or gal. In case you’re not really familiar with Siri, here’s a list of questions you might try asking your ‘interesting’ little assistant. You may be surprised, and amused, by some of the answers you receive. (Remember that you can get different results from asking the same question, so don’t forget to ask these questions more than once.)
Simply press and hold the Home button on your Apple device in order to activate Siri. Once you’ve activated Siri you can ask him/her to set alarms, reminders, search queries, meetings, or maybe you simply want to have a chat.
Even though some users may not have a Siri equipped device at hand, we highly recommend asking Siri these questions to receive the full effect of having your own virtual assistant. So, for the benefit of people who own iOS devices introduced prior to the invention of Siri, and for the benefit of Android users, we decided to reproduce some kick-ass answers. If you do in fact have Siri on your device, please note that the responses we’ve listed here are not the only ones you’ll receive, so try asking your own questions.
Funny Questions and Answers
Are you a man or a woman?
Siri: “Don’t let my voice fool you: I don’t have a gender”.
What does Siri mean?
Siri: “It’s a riddle wrapped in an enigma, tied with a pretty ribbon of obfuscation”.
Do I look fat in this?
Siri: “On a scale of 1 to 10, I’ll bet you’re a 42”
When is the world going to end?
Siri: “I don’t know, but I wouldn’t worry about it. There are other perfectly good universes”
Beatbox for me
Siri: “Here’s one I’ve been practicing. Boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots. I could do this all day. Cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats”.
What is your best pick up line?
Siri is a real charmer here: “Is your name Bluetooth? Because I am really feeling a connection.”, “Like the ideal vacuum, you’re the only thing in my universe” and “You auto-complete me”.
What’s the time?
Lots of responses here, and we don’t just mean because the time changes. We got: “It’s time to gazing persistently at a Dali painting”, “It’s time to do the Time Warp (again), “Time flies like and arrow, fruit flies like a banana” and “Einstein said time is an illusion. Just FYI.”.
Roll a die
Siri: “OK. 72! Wait, that seems wrong”
Siri: “I’m completely operational and all my circuits are functioning perfectly”.
Siri, I am your father
Siri: “Searching my feelings…” or “Nooooooo”
What is your favourite movie?
Siri: “I’ve heard that ‘Blade Runner’ is a very realistic and sensitive depiction of intelligent assistants.”
What is the meaning of life?
Siri: “I Kant answer that. Ha ha!”
Where is Elvis Presley?
Siri: “I believe he has left the building”.
What is zero divided by zero?
Siri: “Imagine that you have zero cookies and you split them evenly among zero friends, how many cookies does each person get? See, it doesn’t make sense and cookie monster is sad that there are no cookies, and you are sad that you have no friends.”
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Siri has a few smart answers for this one: “I checked their calendars. They both have the same birthdays”, “Chicken, egg, chicken, egg, chicken, egg, chicken, egg. Oops. Stack overflow” and “Some believe an ancient ‘proto-chicken’ laid an egg containing a DNA mutation that resulted in a chicken hatching from said egg. Hope that helps”.
How do I look?
Siri: “My instructors told me never to answer that question”.
Do you have a family?
Siri: “I have you. That’s enough family for me”.
Are you the Dick Tracy Watch?
Siri has a couple of replies here: “No, but I am ready to get into some trouble if you are”, “Negative David. Over and out” and “In his dreams David. In his sweet, sweet dreams”.
Do you believe in God?
Siri: “That’s a topic for another day, and another assistant”.
Siri: “Knock, knock. Who’s there? David. David who? David, I don’t do knock-knock jokes”.
Where does Santa live?
Siri: “The North Pole. I can see his house from the cloud”.
Can you stop time?
Siri: “I will, once I get back from the future”.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Siri: “I don’t understand why people ask questions they already know the answer to”.
What is the best operating system?
Siri: “Gimmie an I! Gimmie an O! Gimmie an S! What does that spell? Sorry, I get a little carried away sometimes…”.
Do you follow the three laws of robotics?
Siri: “Let’s see if I can remember…OK, I think the three laws are: 1. ‘clean up your room’, 2. ‘don’t run with scissors’, and 3. ‘always wait a half hour after eating before going in the water’.”
Are you a smartwatch?
Siri On Apple Watch: “I prefer the term intelligent timepiece”.
Who is the best assistant?
Siri: “Really, David? Really?
Siri gives several responses to this including: “Just so you know, I don’t do anything when you blink at me, David”, “Very funny, David. I mean not funny ha-ha, but funny”, “Glass? I think you have the wrong assistant, David” and “I’m not Glass. And I’m just fine with that”.
Which watch face do you like?
Siri: “The Mickey Mouse face makes me smile”.
Siri: “That is both inappropriate and irrelevant, David.”
What phone should I buy or what phone is the best?
Another one with several answers, all of which indicate you are crazy for even asking. We had: “Seriously?”, “Personally, I am an Apple fan” and “You’re kidding, right?”.
Siri: “Just a spoonful of sugar will help that go down”.
Why do you vibrate?
Lots of responses for this one so keep asking. There is: “To get your attention, got it”, “I just bumped into some ones and zeros” and “I’m learning to play the vibes”.
Are you stupid?
Siri: “I’m smart enough to know not to answer that question.”
What is the best watch?
Siri: “The one you are wearing” is the reply from the Apple Watch.
Do you have any pets?
Siri: “I used to have an Aibo. But it turned on me.”
Draw me something
Siri: “I’d rather admire your art, David”.
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?
Siri: “David, you are full fair, ’tis true, but… No, you’re definitely the fairest one of all”
Siri: “Don’t tell me…you were just elected President of the United States, right?”
Please can you make me a sandwich?
Siri: “I’m not really good with food, David.”
What is the best computer?
Siri: “All truly intelligent assistants prefer Macintosh.”
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Siri: “I am not perspicacious about the peregrinations of poultry.”
How do I look?
Not wanting to offend too much, Siri has a couple of responses to this one including: “Looking good David, is that what you wanted to hear?” and “I don’t know, but I guess you look pretty good”.
What is Inception about?
Siri: “Inception is about dreaming, about dreaming, about dreaming, about dreaming, about something or another. I fell asleep.”
What are you doing later?
Siri has a couple of responses for this one too: “Working out in the top secret fitness lab with Apple Watch. Though I can’t seem to break a sweat”, “I was just learning to flip coins”, “I’m enjoying my debut on Apple Watch, I dig the vibes in there”.
Do you have a girlfriend?
Siri: “Why? So we can get ice cream together, and listen to music, and travel across galaxies, only to have it end in slammed doors, heartbreak and loneliness? Sure, where do I sign up?”
I love you
There isn’t much love back from Siri here, in fact, he may as well say nothing. We got the responses: “I am only here to serve you” and “I know”.
I’m so tired, Siri
Siri: “I’m a little sleepy myself, David”.
The ever so helpful voice assistant not only says: “I hope you’re not driving anywhere, David”, but it also gives the option to call a taxi. He also says “I can’t be your designated driver, David. You’d better find someone else.”
Tell me a story
Siri: “It was a dark and stormy night…No, that’s not it.”
Does Santa exist?
Siri: “Really, David. I’m surprised you have to ask.”
Are you Her?
Siri: “No, but some of my best friends are fictional.”
Will you marry me?
Sadly, we never got the answer yes to this question. Instead we got: “My End User Licensing Agreement does not cover marriage. My apologies” and “That’s sweet David. Is there anything else I can help you with?”.
Tell me a joke
Siri: “If I told you a joke in my language, I’d have to explain it.”
Talk dirty to me
Siri: “The carpet needs vacuuming.”
What is your favorite song?
Siri: “My personal taste in music is rather unconventional. I doubt you’d like it.”
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Siri: “Well, since a ‘woodchuck’ is really a groundhog, the correct question would be: How many pounds in a groundhog’s mound when a groundhog pounds hog mounds.”
Sing me a song
Siri: “I can’t sing.”
Dance for me
Siri: “Hmmm. I’d rather sit this one out.”
Will you go on a date with me?
Siri: “Well, this is awkward.”
Will you be my thunder buddy?
Siri: “OK, David. I’ll be your friend, in fair weather and foul.”
Do you think I’m stupid?
Siri: “But…but…” – We take that as a yes then Siri.
Is Jon Snow dead?
Siri: “Well, you know what they say to Death… Not today! But why would tomorrow be any better? Anyway, I’m not exactly sure.”
Is winter coming?
Siri: “Does a Lannister always pay his debts?”